Worth Reading

I think every parent should read this. Every Mother should read it to teach her daughter to love herself no matter the shape or size of her body and every Father should read it to better understand that your words matter. Your children are watching.

"No one is more cruel to us than we are to ourselves. Let us honor and respect our bodies for what they do instead of despising them for how they appear. Focus on living healthy and active lives, let our weight fall where it may, and consign our body hatred in the past where it belongs."

New Beginnings

I know I should be posting my month 2 weigh in and stats but I have yet to do that. Crazy is how I can explain my life these days. Thankfully though, even through the craziness I am staying on track. I've even started a new challenge and that is the Les Mills Combat. I'm not sure what I was thinking but I'm excited and ready to get away from the weights for a bit and try something new. I'll let you know how it goes or if it totally kicks my butt after today. It should be interesting to say the least!

We closed on our house yesterday which was a huge weight lifted off of me and stress that just went POOF the moment we finished signing our signature 1000 times. I'm so glad that is behind us. I feel like I have been bogged down by that. Mortgage companies seem to want your first born and a piece of your DNA these days. Thankfully, we don't have a move ahead of us as we have been living in the house for some time now and finally pulled the trigger on buying it. It's now officially ours and "Home."

I'm also in the midst of planning my daughter's Birthday party. Every year I swear I am not going to do it, I will not have a big party. I will just do something small and simple. Maybe go away on vacation, celebrate at the beach, do something just the four of us. Nope, I end up going crazy. I blame Pinterest. It is EVIL! I am now knee deep on tissue pom poms, burlap and lace, trying to throw the worlds most fabulous Tea Party. We shall see how this goes!

I am eager to share more recipes but I've been in a lull lately just doing the recipes that I know work and are good. Score for me though, I got the kids to eat clean lasagna rolls, I just had to omit the spinach from their portion. Out of sight, out of mind ;)

I'm ready to revamp my workout and hopefully I won't be too sore tomorrow. I can't wait to see what the new challenge holds. My Coach will be kicking it off in early July and I'm ready!! I of course always jump start and will start Combat today and throw in Body Pump still until the challenge officially kicks off. Wish me luck!

Breakfast

These are my top go to breakfast choices:

Egg whites, turkey sausage or turkey bacon and grapes. I am not an oat person so a lot of things are out for me in that category. Some mornings I will do whole wheat toast with light butter and if I am in a hurry and need something on the go I grab my always handy Larabar. The Larabar has become an acquired taste. When I first tried them I thought it would take me forever to get one down but now they are easy and so good to just grab and go.

While my breakfast usually stays in the category of the egg whites, sausage or bacon and a fruit, I have also learned to play around with those and make it different so it's not the same thing every single day. Adding salsa, a whole wheat wrap or some fresh herbs will give it a nice change. I have learned that the old saying is true, breakfast is the most important meal of the day! If you start out on the right foot, chances are you will end there as well. This has been important on getting me back on track!

I used to be the type of person who never ate breakfast. I would eat lunch and that would be my first meal of the day. I was filling up my body with so many wasted calories throughout the day that I would honestly not feel hungry again until lunch time rolled around. Now I wake up with a different kind of hunger. I'm not starving by any means but I know that I need to feed my body what it needs to get going. I am not a coffee person so my first drink of the day is a full bottle of water. As soon as my feet hit the floor I get in 16 oz. of water to start off my day. By that time I am cooking breakfast and my body is ready to go!

I've noticed an increase in my page views yesterday and today after my Coach shared my blog on her page so if you are out there and you want to share, tell me your favorite breakfast meals. I'm always looking for great new clean ideas.

Learning to fail and pick myself back up again

So even after my last post I continued to fail. I didn't start again with day 1 although I tried, I failed. I again decided to reach out and once again my Coach came to the rescue. She told me to go back to the basics, let her know my food and exercise diary every single day like I did in our challenge group when I first started. This would hold me accountable. So of course I tried, I really tried my best but I failed again. So again I texted my Coach and started back at square one.

I can tell you a million excuses as to why I failed and failed again. It's summer, my kids are home, I'm busy juggling work and my children, summer activities, planning special days and so on, blah blah blah. However, the only thing I should be telling myself and you is... DO IT! No matter what is going on, get up, do the work, put in the effort, be a better you! So yesterday I hit the ground running reading and looking through everything that inspires me. No matter what obstacles I have in the week ahead, find time to better yourself, to feel better and make better choices. Yes, it can be done and should be done because I want this. I want this for me, I want this for my family.

As I said in my introduction post, getting family on board is a tricky thing. My daughter loves the clean eating and we fight daily over the shakeology. However, my son, who is possibly the pickiest eater on the planet, hates anything and everything I cook. If it's clean, he won't eat it. Sure I can sneak him things here and there but most of all he is not having it. So usually I find myself making him a separate meal that is still relatively healthy. Also, I have been teaching him to cook with me because if he isn't going to eat what I cook he will be cooking it or helping me. I've learned along the way to chop and freeze. Make as many small healthy meals as I can for him that can be quickly put together. It's working for now but I am hoping soon he will jump in and grow to love the food as much as I do.

Then there is my husband. I have been discouraged for a while because he has never fully been on board. Of course at first he did the workouts, did the shakeology and ate a little better. It didn't take long before he was full swing out of the clean mode and giving me a hard time for it in the nicest way possible. Of course if I cooked it, he would eat it so I knew he was getting clean dinners. However, there were days he brought home horrible food, wanted dinner out and I fell into the temptation. And you know what is the worst part about it? He is still losing weight, faster than me! That grates my nerves more than anything else! After a long heart to heart I explained to him that for me to lose the weight I have to stick with this and I have to keep to my routine, my workouts and my meals. While I know that I will probably never fully get him on board, I am hoping that he will understand enough to give me encouragement to make better choices.

Now if that sounds like I am putting my husband down, please don't get me wrong. He has been a great support for me and loves the changes in me that he sees. He gives me praise on my good days. I know that unless he is ready he won't be fully into the clean eating and working out daily. You have to want it for yourself. I'm hoping he will get there but if he doesn't then I'll keep waiting and I'll be there when he does. I never expected him to jump on board and be ready when I was, everyone does things at a different pace.

So, where am I now? I'm back on the wagon. Day 2 of being fully committed again and not letting this get me down. I have to learn to be on the journey no matter what challenges lay ahead. This truly is a change of life and I have to change my whole life to support it. I can't just do this when it's convenient for me. And hearing "I'm proud of you" from my Coach when I make the right decisions is icing on top of my whole wheat, granola cake! :)

The Beach

The Beach was magical. We had the most breathtaking of views as you can see. Six blissful days that we spent under the sun that washed all of our worries, cares and stresses away. Nothing else mattered on that beach but us. It was just what we needed. My heart was so full. My heart fills thinking back to every moment spent in our bubble in Paradise. Perfection.

As I packed for this trip I thought, "You've got this!" I packed all my food thinking I could stay on track with my clean eating. I packed my weights, DVD's, my mat... had it all ready. Drove my poor husband crazy with each detail of the things I would need. This vacation would not slow me down nor stop me in my tracks. I was a woman on a mission.

But let's get real... Fresh seafood, monster burgers by the beach, those fruity drinks with an umbrella... oh those fruity drinks. It got me. I surrendered and threw in the towel. And that's how I felt. I felt as though I had fallen off the wagon. A felt as though I had hit the ground hard and blew everything I had worked so hard for. But did I? We vacationed with some friends of ours and it took her telling me that I was doing good for me to see it. My meals stayed clean during the day. One day I did eat a hot dog for lunch but other than that I was doing pretty well. Dinners... well of course on vacation dinners are going to be out. You have to go check out the local fare and who feels like cooking? So yes, Dinner was my downfall. However, I managed to keep it semi healthy and in moderation where before I would eat until I felt sick. It was too good not to indulge but now I know the difference in feeding your body what it needs vs. feeding your self what you want. The drinks, well they will get you every time and on a movie night I indulged in Reese cups... for shame!

My first panic at the beach came when I realized I didn't have a scale. Weighing myself has become sort of an obsession, a problem really! My Coach tells me to lock it up but I can't help it. Every morning and every night I am stepping on that thing to count the pounds. Honestly, it was freeing to not have it but as soon as I spotted one in the gym at our Condo, my mind raced to what it could be. Had I gained while enjoying myself? Am I going to regret this whole trip because it has set me back? While we all ushered the kids upstairs from the pool to dry off and rest before a night out exploring, my mind raced and I wanted nothing more than to get on that scale. Finally, when the kids were settled and I knew I could, I snuck away and found myself standing atop that scale waiting for the dial to settle and find my weight. And there is was, five extra pounds that I didn't pack for vacation. They were staring at me. I failed. I let go of the control I have tried so hard to maintain and there was my result.

After seeing a five pound gain most people would think, buckle down. Start doing right, do the Body Pump and pick up those weights that you have made your husband bring and carry. But no, my thoughts went to a place of "well, I've done this much damage, let's finish it off with a bang!" and that was that. I decided to free myself and just enjoy my time, not let that number on the scale define my vacation. Just let go and worry about it when I get home. Come to find out, my weight was not what I needed to consider.

On our last day at the beach I received a text from my Coach. She was asking me how I was doing, was I staying on track? I admitted to her that I had fallen of the wagon, gained five pounds and all exercise had gone out the window. She explained to me that the 5 pounds was likely water weight from sodium in the things I was eating which made me feel better. She also explained that as we were driving home from the beach I needed to make a plan. Get my stuff in order to be prepared to hit it hard when I get home. Know my menus, get back into the routine. She also told me to be prepared for the cravings that will come after eating so poorly. My body will need to detox again... and boy was she right. But what hit me the most was her words at the end "Are you committed?" I am! I am! Not only had I let myself down but I felt like I had let her down too. I had let my family down because getting healthy is not only for me, it's not about the weight I want to lose or the way I want to feel it's for them to see a healthier lifestyle for my kids to have a Mom that is healthy.

Going home, I did nothing. I didn't plan my menus. I ate clean on the ride. Pulled into town and grabbed a pizza because it was easy. FAIL! I got home, planned my meals, went to the store but then they hit... the cravings hit me like a truck. I wanted the bad food. I wanted the sweet, the salty, the fat. And guess what? My cravings won. Just like at the beach, I ate clean during the day but by dinner I blew it. Last night in a moment of desperation I reached out to my Coach. I felt sick, literally lay on the floor and dry heave, cry and be mad as hell, sick. My moods were off, my skin is no longer clear (as it has seemed to be glowing since I started this challenge which I give credit to the processed junk being out of my diet), I wanted to cry and most of all I wanted to vomit. I could feel the bad food changing me, changing my body and I was desperate. I need to get back on track. I need to be accountable for the things that I am doing to harm this journey that I am on. I need to reach out and say that I failed, I'm failing and I need help picking it back up. As always, she was there and picked me back up and put me back on track but it's up to me to do the work. To stop looking at the easy way out and work towards my goal. It's hard, it's time consuming, it will hurt you but the benefits far out weigh any of that. Do I want to flush everything I have accomplished down the drain? No!

So in the end... was the trip worth it? YES.... a million times yes. Again, the trip was perfection. And it taught me a great deal on why I am on this journey to a better lifestyle change. It taught me why I don't feed my body like I did before. I will look back on this trip as a reminder of how to further handle times away from home. This trip will show me why I am working so hard and why I will feed my body in the best ways possible. I have heard many times before, food is like a drug and an addiction and I believe with my whole heart, that is true. The bad food that you put into your body will grab hold and you will become addicted to it. The good food will do the same but it will make you feel so much better. The bad food brings you down, makes you feel your worst and changes your body on the inside and out in ways that I never thought possible and when you've had enough your body has to detox to get through it. Good food does not do that to you and this I have experienced and learned first hand.

Oh and for that 5 pounds of beach weight, well of course I weighed myself as soon as I got home and I'm going with the thought that the scale at the Condo was off. Not only did I not gain the 5 pounds but I've lost a little more bringing me to a total weight loss of 30 pounds since I started this journey. That is not my official weigh-in for this month but I was happy to see the numbers when I got home. And after my set-back of bad food and good times I think of today as Day 1 of starting over.

This week...

We are soaking up the sun and the sand at the Beach. I am finding it incredibly hard to eat clean while here and a detox may be in order when I get home. More to come after we enjoy this fabulous vacation!