The Beach

The Beach was magical. We had the most breathtaking of views as you can see. Six blissful days that we spent under the sun that washed all of our worries, cares and stresses away. Nothing else mattered on that beach but us. It was just what we needed. My heart was so full. My heart fills thinking back to every moment spent in our bubble in Paradise. Perfection.

As I packed for this trip I thought, "You've got this!" I packed all my food thinking I could stay on track with my clean eating. I packed my weights, DVD's, my mat... had it all ready. Drove my poor husband crazy with each detail of the things I would need. This vacation would not slow me down nor stop me in my tracks. I was a woman on a mission.

But let's get real... Fresh seafood, monster burgers by the beach, those fruity drinks with an umbrella... oh those fruity drinks. It got me. I surrendered and threw in the towel. And that's how I felt. I felt as though I had fallen off the wagon. A felt as though I had hit the ground hard and blew everything I had worked so hard for. But did I? We vacationed with some friends of ours and it took her telling me that I was doing good for me to see it. My meals stayed clean during the day. One day I did eat a hot dog for lunch but other than that I was doing pretty well. Dinners... well of course on vacation dinners are going to be out. You have to go check out the local fare and who feels like cooking? So yes, Dinner was my downfall. However, I managed to keep it semi healthy and in moderation where before I would eat until I felt sick. It was too good not to indulge but now I know the difference in feeding your body what it needs vs. feeding your self what you want. The drinks, well they will get you every time and on a movie night I indulged in Reese cups... for shame!

My first panic at the beach came when I realized I didn't have a scale. Weighing myself has become sort of an obsession, a problem really! My Coach tells me to lock it up but I can't help it. Every morning and every night I am stepping on that thing to count the pounds. Honestly, it was freeing to not have it but as soon as I spotted one in the gym at our Condo, my mind raced to what it could be. Had I gained while enjoying myself? Am I going to regret this whole trip because it has set me back? While we all ushered the kids upstairs from the pool to dry off and rest before a night out exploring, my mind raced and I wanted nothing more than to get on that scale. Finally, when the kids were settled and I knew I could, I snuck away and found myself standing atop that scale waiting for the dial to settle and find my weight. And there is was, five extra pounds that I didn't pack for vacation. They were staring at me. I failed. I let go of the control I have tried so hard to maintain and there was my result.

After seeing a five pound gain most people would think, buckle down. Start doing right, do the Body Pump and pick up those weights that you have made your husband bring and carry. But no, my thoughts went to a place of "well, I've done this much damage, let's finish it off with a bang!" and that was that. I decided to free myself and just enjoy my time, not let that number on the scale define my vacation. Just let go and worry about it when I get home. Come to find out, my weight was not what I needed to consider.

On our last day at the beach I received a text from my Coach. She was asking me how I was doing, was I staying on track? I admitted to her that I had fallen of the wagon, gained five pounds and all exercise had gone out the window. She explained to me that the 5 pounds was likely water weight from sodium in the things I was eating which made me feel better. She also explained that as we were driving home from the beach I needed to make a plan. Get my stuff in order to be prepared to hit it hard when I get home. Know my menus, get back into the routine. She also told me to be prepared for the cravings that will come after eating so poorly. My body will need to detox again... and boy was she right. But what hit me the most was her words at the end "Are you committed?" I am! I am! Not only had I let myself down but I felt like I had let her down too. I had let my family down because getting healthy is not only for me, it's not about the weight I want to lose or the way I want to feel it's for them to see a healthier lifestyle for my kids to have a Mom that is healthy.

Going home, I did nothing. I didn't plan my menus. I ate clean on the ride. Pulled into town and grabbed a pizza because it was easy. FAIL! I got home, planned my meals, went to the store but then they hit... the cravings hit me like a truck. I wanted the bad food. I wanted the sweet, the salty, the fat. And guess what? My cravings won. Just like at the beach, I ate clean during the day but by dinner I blew it. Last night in a moment of desperation I reached out to my Coach. I felt sick, literally lay on the floor and dry heave, cry and be mad as hell, sick. My moods were off, my skin is no longer clear (as it has seemed to be glowing since I started this challenge which I give credit to the processed junk being out of my diet), I wanted to cry and most of all I wanted to vomit. I could feel the bad food changing me, changing my body and I was desperate. I need to get back on track. I need to be accountable for the things that I am doing to harm this journey that I am on. I need to reach out and say that I failed, I'm failing and I need help picking it back up. As always, she was there and picked me back up and put me back on track but it's up to me to do the work. To stop looking at the easy way out and work towards my goal. It's hard, it's time consuming, it will hurt you but the benefits far out weigh any of that. Do I want to flush everything I have accomplished down the drain? No!

So in the end... was the trip worth it? YES.... a million times yes. Again, the trip was perfection. And it taught me a great deal on why I am on this journey to a better lifestyle change. It taught me why I don't feed my body like I did before. I will look back on this trip as a reminder of how to further handle times away from home. This trip will show me why I am working so hard and why I will feed my body in the best ways possible. I have heard many times before, food is like a drug and an addiction and I believe with my whole heart, that is true. The bad food that you put into your body will grab hold and you will become addicted to it. The good food will do the same but it will make you feel so much better. The bad food brings you down, makes you feel your worst and changes your body on the inside and out in ways that I never thought possible and when you've had enough your body has to detox to get through it. Good food does not do that to you and this I have experienced and learned first hand.

Oh and for that 5 pounds of beach weight, well of course I weighed myself as soon as I got home and I'm going with the thought that the scale at the Condo was off. Not only did I not gain the 5 pounds but I've lost a little more bringing me to a total weight loss of 30 pounds since I started this journey. That is not my official weigh-in for this month but I was happy to see the numbers when I got home. And after my set-back of bad food and good times I think of today as Day 1 of starting over.